Internalised misogyny is an old spell cast by a world that punishes women for their power and rewards them for shrinking. It shows up subtly in judgments, in rivalries, in self-denial, in suspicion toward other women. 

The absorption of sexist beliefs about oneself and other women is not born from malice. It grows in environments that teach girls to distrust each other, diminish themselves, and seek safety in pleasing patriarchal norms. When women reproduce these patterns, it can feel like betrayal: a wound carried forward, cutting into the next generation.

The gift my mother passed down was not softness or safety, but the inherited logic of survival beneath patriarchy: minimise yourself, doubt other women, and endure quietly. Empathy for these women does not mean approval. Understanding does not mean acceptance. But it might bring us closer to changing systems. 

Some inherit trauma through silence. Others inherit survival through conditioning. In Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma, I wrote about inherited wounds. This essay is about one of their consequences: the insidious persistence of internalised misogyny.

The second wound

What Ursula and Hannah did reflected classic internalised misogyny and patriarchal conditioning. They searched for explanations in me rather than accountability in the men who harmed me. This is one of the most common ways internalised misogyny manifests: women policing other women into conformity with patriarchal expectations. 

They protected the Unman; they rationalised his behaviour. They told me, “He isn’t aggressive,” and “Think of the consequences for him,” because our culture teaches that men’s futures are more important than women’s safety. 

Patriarchal conditioning often reveals itself not through overt cruelty, but through instinctive alignment with male narratives. Before my experience was even heard, there was already space made for his explanation, his comfort, his future. I, meanwhile, became someone unreliable: emotional, disruptive, difficult to believe. 

The irony here is that Ursula and Hannah are intelligent, educated women, yet intelligence doesn’t automatically shield someone from cultural conditioning. Education alone cannot undo the decades of socialised beliefs about gender and power. 

Victim-blaming often functions as a psychological defence mechanism. If suffering can be explained as the result of a woman’s choices, then the world feels safer. “It happened to her because she was careless” is less frightening than accepting that violence can happen despite caution, intelligence, or goodness. 

The real dangers of internalised misogyny

Internalised misogyny pits women against each other and fractures solidarity before it has the chance to form. It teaches women to monitor one another rather than protect one another. It punishes those who speak too loudly, demand too much, or refuse compliance. Over time, it creates a culture where victims doubt themselves before doubting the systems that harmed them. 

How to hold both truths at once

Empathy helps name the wound. Critical awareness gives us a chance to protect ourselves against the consequences. You might see where the harm comes from, and still know it is not okay. Recognise the wound without erasing the harm. 

Closing Reflection 🌙

Every woman has swallowed a little poison. Every woman has had moments of distance from herself, or from other women. Internalised misogyny is not something you simply cure. It is something you continually notice, question, and unlearn.  You can be gentle with yourself while remaining accountable.

Empathy without endorsement is a kind of alchemy. It transforms our responses, not by excusing harm, but by revealing the systems that taught it. 

To hold compassion for someone acting from internalised misogyny is to refuse the world’s script — the one that pits us against each other, or demands we respond with cruelty to cruelty. But to name the harm clearly is to insist on a better inheritance for all women.

Further & Recommended Reading

• Girls Hating Girls? Understanding & Overcoming Internalised Misogyny – Tomorrow Woman
  A compassionate and accessible introduction to internalised misogyny, exploring how patriarchal conditioning shapes the way women view themselves and each other. This piece is particularly valuable for readers beginning to recognise these patterns in everyday life, friendships, and self-perception.
• Internalized Misogyny and Its Psychological Impact (JISS Journal)
  An academic exploration of internalised misogyny and the psychological mechanisms that sustain it. Useful for readers interested in the intersection between feminist theory, mental health, and social conditioning.
• Research on Gender, Patriarchy, and Social Conditioning
  A more theoretical and sociological perspective on how patriarchal structures are reproduced culturally and interpersonally. Recommended for readers who want a broader systemic understanding of misogyny and gendered power dynamics.
• Understanding Internalised Misogyny Through Feminist Scholarship
  A thoughtful academic paper examining the roots and manifestations of internalised misogyny. Particularly useful for readers interested in feminist psychology and the ways misogyny becomes normalised through socialisation.
• Dr. Roxanne Felig – Research & Publications
  Dr. Roxanne Felig’s work explores gender, self-perception, sexism, and social psychology through a research-based lens. Her publications are insightful for readers interested in how misogyny, identity, and cultural conditioning influence behaviour and self-understanding. Consider subscribing to her Substack for ongoing reflections and research-informed discussions.